Job Hunting is Stupid

Okay, this brain, fried. Fried like a lonely egg on a lonely grill on a lonely stove in the middle of a lonely area of New Mexico. Where does it plug in you ask? It doesn't matter! It's New Mexico! It's hot enough to warm the lonely stove with the lonely blah blah blah you get the idea. Brain, not so functiony. Any why? Because applying to jobs, searching for jobs, and standing on your head for an hour all have something in common. They are hard, and it makes you feel stupid.

I am baffled, however, how I managed to get such a craptastic job coming out of undergrad. When I came out of undergrad I applied to, and keep in mind that this is the memory in my head, weather this happened or not I am not sure, a plethora of jobs with a resume' gleaming with awesomeness. But try as I might, there were so few nice jobs, and I was so downhearted at the time for the lack of jobs to test my might. There were only jobs like Linoleum Tester, and Drywall Construction, and Plumber. And which one did I settle for? Yes Settle, like some sort of butt ugly prom date who later turns out to be a man dressed up like a woman dressed up like a man dressed up like a women cause it was cold outside and they thought it best to dress in layers?? That's right, drywall construction. Or as I like to call it, Super Hell. Oh, yes, your good ol' Catholics had it right enough with the whole hell idea where people who sin and all those fun things go to learn their lessons, but they would jump for joy if they new about Super Hell.

Super Hell is where you go when you need money and want to work towards a bigger paycheck tomorrow, but will settle for anything because you lacked the foresight to locate yourself not in the middle of no-good-jobs-man-land like good ol MD. But I'm sure people out there love the ol' MD so I shall say nothing more on the matter other than, you should die, die for your sins, your sins being liking that hole of a state, you know the one, the one where happiness goes to Die. But I digress, working for a job because you need money is foolish, and I was foolish and it was bad. But where was I going with this... ah yea, my memory says that there were no good jobs, but as I apply now I see job after job that seems to be of an amazing quality, with science and technology and veritable jumping jacks of thoughtful challenges, and I wonder why I didn't see these before, and why I didn't get a job doing one of these things. Then I looked up my old engineering resume out of nostalgia and found out why.

My old resume, the golden gem that I remembered it being was littered with such wonderful engineering experience qualifiers such as, "Worked at the Library", a legitimate work reference even though it might lie on the outskirts, "Lifeguard" not what I might call the top reference for an engineering field, but look on the positive side, it puts a trained professional in the area should someone someone try to drown in the toilet or should everyone in the office spontaneously try to make for a large body of water, but I think my favorite qualifier, the one that on that resume said "I am your man, I am the person who will bring the qualities you need to your front door and hammer it down so don't be directly on the other side but close enough to still go 'Wow I want to give you a job, by the way you owe us one door you man among men' " was the graceful reference of "Worked for my Parents". Now I don't know how hard I must have hit my head, or perhaps the air was thinner back then and I was suffering from some sort of oxygen deficiency, but I do not think that putting that job reference was on my list of wise choices.

But alas, and I say alas, I got that one job, hated it, moved on to get a totally unrelated job doing accounting, enjoyed the people and the complete lack of effort it took, moved on to get paid in a continually downward spiral of compensation as the world's bitch for a while out in LA (again loving the people but not having to try too hard), and then to now where I am looking for work once again. The problem now being that I have experience in no one place. I think the only work references I could add to broaden my work base further would be a brief stint in the clergy and work as a professional dog walker (I do love puppies! and yes I can say that cause they are awesome and if you think otherwise you need to go back to the pawn shop where you traded in your soul for a box of cracker jacks with the decoder ring prize). So I am finding it strange to decide what to do for work and am looking for a mythical position as a movie maker for a engineering franchise. I'm thinking Myth Busters would have me click my heels but only if I could be the guy with the beard, but pending that the search is ongoing.

Additionally I might add that this blog came about because I am tired of job searching and more importantly of government applications where I find that not only do I have to expand my (now tight and sleek) resume to a behemoth including everything I've done, thought, or thought about doing for the past 29 years (yes this includes incubation time and the more single minded thoughts I had as a sperm). And then on top of my now multiple page resume I have to pretend I am applying to college all over again by answering a plethora of questions that basically all say the same thing.
"How are you good at and how would you apply and what experience do you have with visual aids in a graphic nature?"
and
"How are you really awesome at, but not too awesome at, and how would you apply CLEVERLY as compared to uncleverly which we say is a word now, and what experience do you have with GRAPHIC aids in a VISUAL nature, oh yes, we switched it on you."
"How does us switching that on you make you feel? Does it make you feel happy, sad, quiet, loud, likebetrayingthegovernmentandsellingallitssecrets, blue, green, or like a balloon?"

Crafty bastards and their crafty questions intended to piss me off and give away my true intentions!

Concluded!