Holidays

Well well well. Haven't we been away for awhile. But there is good news and bad for any time spent away from the keys, but I shall get to all of that in time.
WELL, where to start. Seeing as I can't recall what I wrote last time and I'm too lazy to go back and check I'll do a quick synopsis. I finally landed a job as a bartender/server at a local restaurant, huzza employment, but am still applying like crazy to jobs. After a small application hiatus I started applying in the new year *fingers crossed* and have passed the 120 jobs applied mark. It just amuses me to think that there are now 119 (not 120 cause I got ONE of them) that are employed before I was. As the French do not say, Le Sigh.

But onward and upward. Still applying to jobs, and let me tell you, while people are usually out at work during the day weird shit happens at home. Such as I sit here typing and at the same time I watch the cat, lovable spunk that he is, clean himself. What I did not know about cats however, or at least this one, is that he likes to tear chunks, yes CHUNKS of fur out and then EAT them. Yes eat them. This little guy I thought was getting fat cause we fed him too much, but no, it is a straight process of recycling. And that is why this cat has very definitively been placed under the "Gross" and the "Do Not Pet" categories of my life, right along with electric fences, sea urchins, and Rhinos in a bad temper.

Bet on to the holidays. The Holiday's both Turkey Day and Santa Day went off without much trouble. Turkey day visited the folks who live in the middle of NOWHERE. I thought I had been to the middle of nowhere before, I have pictures, but apparently there are two nowheres and this is the latter. But mom and dad, lovable tikes that they are, made a spankin good turkey day dinner, and much eating was had. My rents, btw, live in a castle. No no, not rich, not even too upscale, but why a castle you say? Cause they are renting it from a crazy person. And not just any crazy person, a crazy person who built a castle out of second hand cheap parts. It is a normal house with the following:
Giant freaking Castle Door, with a hatch so you can see people outside, as though the windows right next to the door were not enough. Perhaps they can only be seen from the front.

Side Note: The cat is now having a dream. I did not know cat's dreamed, I mean I assumed it, but I did not expect the seizures of movement, the mumbled meows, and the subsequent rolling off of the couch. Yes, dogs may dream, but they start off on the floor, but cats like to dream on top of bookshelves. Not the best option in my opinion, no I don't think so.

Castle continues: There is actually a suit of armor in the front parlor. Made out of, what was that? Aluminum Foil. This is the fakest armor I have ever seen. All the crown molding is very Gothic, and the fireplace stretches from floor to second floor ceiling but everything reeks of, well how can I say it, Ikea. Yes, this is a do it yourself, second hand woodcut, castle. And the pinnacle of this is achieved with the tight spiral staircase from, yes, Ikea. I wouldn't trust myself to walk up and down this and nearly pooed when three other people tried to climb it at once. Oh, standards, where have ye gone. (You like the use of ye? I was going for that Castley feel.)

So Turkey day to Christmas was more of the same. Generally trying to get the better of the world but failing like a math test where I ate my pencil.

Christmas! Ah the Christmas holiday. I have to say I was excited about this one, mainly cause the wife would be home to keep me company. The one thing I didn't count on was that she would not be home, and nor would I. Because she would have taken me out Shopping. Huzza, being out on Christmas Eve, shopping. Actually between the recession and online access it wasn't that bad, but you have to understand this. If you have money during a recession, and aren't shopping online that just makes you a very rich, very very stupid person. And yes, they were in no short supply this holiday. It is strange how angry shopping bleeds over into angry driving. How I survived I'll never know. Perhaps I didn't and this lack of getting a job is simply one of the flags to denote that I've made it safely to hell. Couldn't say. But Christmas was nice, my bro joined us and we had days out with friends, much merriment etc etc. Relatives over, relatives being "Relatives" at each other, which bubbles down to a Middle School prom where the group splits in half and stares at each other across the room. But everyone was friendly and no one offered to carve the turkey with too much enthusiasm. Didn't get much for the holidays. A nice coat so I can actually not freeze.
Interesting side note. I do not like how I approach shopping. Don't know how I got like this but I did. It basically boils down to, if I can physically survive without actually dying with what I currently have or can scrap together or borrow, I don't need a new one. This is why I have been rocking the old school Nintendo for the last 20 years. If it was good enough for me when I was 8 then it is good enough for me now. But luckily my lady forces me to go shopping. *clicks heels in joy, but realized that I'm weak from walking around the mall for fifty hours* And so I have a new coat, and no longer get sick from running around outside in my underwear and a t-shirt. (They have a very relaxed neighborhood here)
Lets see, also got some money, cause I don't got none. Holiday's are like my second job. Huzza. Well that was meant to be a sarcastic huzza, but you can't tell on here. From now on sarcastic huzzas will be spelled Huzzack! I like that, just a little flair of rational thinking and a whole lot of 1980's cartoon influence. Huzzack!
The wife cleaned house this Christmas, hence we don't have one. Oh but I jest. She got some nice things and so did everyone else, merriment and too much eating all around.

New Years was fun, did a little party hopping and the second place we stopped in at was playing the best new drinking game EVER! My brother had told me about it and in classic Jo fashion he took it to extremes. But let me explain.
The game is called Wizard's Staff. It is played by finishing beer can 1. Acquire beer can 2 while holding onto beer can 1. Tape unopened beer can 2 to the top of beer can 1 (I think you can see where I'm going with this). Then drink beer 2 while taped to beer can 1 (empty). And so you keep stacking your beer cans while making it harder to drink. And when I say my bro took it to extremes I mean he had two people helping him hold his staff while he drank (my that sounds wrong) all while playing the game by himself. Rock out bro, rock out.
Ah, but my favorite part of the game as I was introduced to it was, as you get cans, you get abilities and spells. 3 cans = you can use the bathroom. So drink up quick! 4 cans = you can play beerpong. And they go on, I shall need to find definitive rules for this, but a couple I truly liked were 9 = you can cast silence on people. Hey crazy lady no one likes but got invited cause your bangin my bud. SILENCE! And the world is a slightly better place. Or 15 = Invisibility. Now I don't know if this is more fun for the person who has reached level 15 cause he can claim to be invisible and people should play along, or if it is more fun for everyone else to watch a guy a case deep trying to act invisible. Something makes me think that in those special cases the naked guy will suddenly make an appearance at the party.
But New Years was fun.

And now we are in the New Year! 2009. Well, 2008 was sort of a bust so lets see how this one goes. Any new years resolutions people? People keep asking what mine are, and I have to admit that makes me wonder if I look like I need a resolution. Am I obscenely fat or are people trying to drop me hints about a smell or perhaps a hairstyle? Not sure. I think I shall resolve to just kick a lot of ass. And if at the end of the year I have a trail of people hobbling and limping behind me with severe rump issues I will know not to roll with a metaphor the coming year.

Rock out!