Oh you Crazy Pets

Oh, what to blog about what to blog about. You'd think they would have come up with a better word than Blog for an online journal or posting. Blog. Sounds like a noise. But what kind of noise. Makes me think of a snail right off the bat. But what noise what a snail make other than a slurping kind. I think Blog is the noise a snail makes when it climbs upside down and falls off. Yes, I find that to be about right.

WELL, that's enough of the nonsense. Lets see what there is to talk about today shall we? Something interesting I heard today was that my brother, the big shot he is, is being forced, yes, FORCED, to take vacation. 2 weeks unpaid because of the economy. How much does THAT suck. But in all honesty he can complain all he wants cause he is still earning real money, unlike the monopoly money I earn. Hmm, I wish I earned monopoly money, at least for a little while so I could restock my board game.

Well today I had an interesting job interview with a Production Company. Went well, though I felt like the interviewer had interviewed far to many people already and was burned out poor fellow. But the amusing part about this story is a little round about. I actually asked one of my peers from back in LA for a reference and got the most joyful news. I feel okay posting it cause I do not believe that they still read this blog. But apparently one of the actors dogs made a doodie in the valet parking lot, and the valet people refused to clean it up. Well I think we can all guess where this story is going. Well, I guess my replacement really did have a ..... shitty day today? Perhaps being a PA has its .... Crappy Moments? Starting on the bottom can really make you feel like.... poo? Hmm... I'm trying to think of a whitty way to say Feces. Heh, not often I get to say that day to day, but now that I think about it, I shall. "Excuse me my good sir, but do you have any Grey Poupon?.... feces" "Why yes I do... wait, what did you just say?" "What?" "There, at the end, you just said something." "No I did not....feces" "There! You just did it again!" "Did what my good sir? I dare say you must be hearing things. Now pass the mustard .... feces"

Oh 80's commercials how you amuse me. Where did all the Mentos go?
But as far as the interview it went alright, though since the interviewer was not on his game it made me feel as though the interview did not go as well as I would have liked, that and I felt he hadn't actually read my resume so acted as though I had never worked a day in my life before. So sad. So I did the only thing a self respecting 80's child did afterword. I rolled down the windows of my Mazda 3, turned up the stereo and rocked out the cult classic of one (me) CD, Transformers the Movie. Highly regarded to be one of the unsung greats of the 80's. I have to say, you all may have liked the new "hip" transformers movie with its wacky jibe talking Optimus Prime and lewd sex scene on the hood of Bumblebees hood (who I have to add was supposed to be a Volkswagen Beetle. Way to go GM) But I shall always hold a special place in my heart that dares to go the extra mile and place a Weird Al Yankovitch song as one of its leading heartfelt tunes. "Dare to be Stupid" has never found a better home.

But such is life, and I entertained myself the remainder of the day cleaning house. Yes, it is true, I now exist somewhere between Housewife and debt payer by being a maid to the in laws. Oh life, what a curve ball you have thrown me. I was looking up how to donate blood for money the other day like some sort of junkie. I would donate sperm but in all honesty I feel like I would either mix up the two and someone would end up VERY unhappy, or I would get a phone call down the road from someone "unexpected". Man, I wish I could sell eggs like a girl. Granted a guy can sell sperm and, well, it probably goes without saying that the experience is a LOT better than giving eggs for a girl, but I can't believe it pays well. I wonder if I could sell something else. Man, if I could regrow a kidney I would ROCK that. I could sell one, be healthy still, wait for mine to regrow, then rock out another paycheck. I think you can do it with a Liver, but I like my Happy Hour.

Speaking of sexual inhibition, the dog got neutered. And in classic dog style the other one would not leave the neutered one alone. I swear if I'm ever neutered, or tubes tied, which I always thought was a cornily kosher way of saying you got a rubber band slapped on your sack, and someone tried to harass me I would probably, remaining testosterone permitting, hit them with a Pinata stick.
Poor pup, few things in the world must suck like hitting puberty and then getting your junk tweaked. Oh such a nice way to say it, good job Jesse, why thank you Jesse.
But oh pets how you amuse me. Captain eats-hit-own-hair the cat decided he had had enough the other night and blew chunks all over the bathroom. I proceeded to taunt him from the neighboring room while being the wonderful husband I am, not help to clean it up. I figure the guy who warns of the impending bomb is not responsible for the radioactive cleanup if no one listens to him. Oh silly cat and eating your fur. Why is it animals eat themselves? I'm not talking about the jolly licking which just seems to be too much high spirits in any case, I mean cats eat their hair. If a person did that they would have some sort of mental disease. Dogs eat their poop. Again if people did that they would simply have no friends, where with dogs it seems to merely enhance their popularity. I don't think Horses eat anything but they ARE horses and are kind of left with limited options. What else are pets. Fish, which often eat each other. Like the Betta fish. How in the crap can anything evolve if it attacks another of its species? I think it might just be males to males, but I mean seriously, you are a fish, you are small and highly editable, you shouldn't lower your chances of survival farther. Monkeys while not eating poo on a regular basis, sling it. Oh animal kingdom, how you baffle me. My turtle is pretty solid, though if you put anything in his tank it immediately become his obligation to move it around then knock it over. I want to get a large number of pets and have them run on treadmills for "fun" which will coincidentally power my house. Yes... yes, it is all coming together now. Just no poo slinging.

What a terrible note to end on. Fin!

Quote of the day: "Knowing her she could have fallen on fifteen dicks on the way." Courtesy of the other Bogue.