A Homecoming Comparison (Virginia Tech vs. William and Mary)

Well I have recently had the pleasure of attending not only my homecoming this year, but that of my very sexy and great cook of a wife. And now that I have said that, I can probably get away with writing whatever I want for the rest of this blog, so!

I went to Virginia Tech, very fun very party school. What I liked about it was how, to a degree, rugged it was, people were just rough and tumble, you'd go out to the bar and see people kicked out for being belligerent, and then you'd go get belligerent and then someone would magically have a football that, and this was always the best part, glowed in the dark! and you would play till four in the morning and wake up in a ditch, and it was FUN and everyone was kinda that way.

But I had to establish how Tech was when I was there so I can now compare the homecoming.
Well well well, VA tech homecoming. I went down with my good buddy Shark, called thus because he eats most things in a single bite and doesn't like it when you hit him in the nose, and we rolled in at a reasonable hour looking for good times. The plan was to roll in at my bro's new house, hang until the rest of the crew got there, then party like it was 2003 all over again. Ahh yes, the days of such popular social hits such as "Some earlier season of American Idol I still didn't watch" or "A different Season of 24, which was still probably more bad ass than most things on TV today." And every ones favorite "Sierra Mist, I don't know where it went, but I remember when it was here".
So we roll into Tech and things began to go strange right away. We tried driving to my bros place using a GPS which actually took us over someones lawn to get there, I don't know why, I just think Gladice (yes that is the name of my GPS, cause she sounds like a cranky old B) is a cranky old B. Like that witty redundancy there?
So like I said, we roll in and things get unusual right off the bat, for starters my bro's place. That shit is haunted. There is like a super nice neighborhood next door, with children singing in the street and playing ball and general laughter all around, but in my bro's neighborhood you got ghosts. There have to be about 20 houses, all of them are all lights out, and no cars, no people, nothing. I think either A) this is where model homes come to die, or B) all the owners are old people who have died and no one has found out yet, but needless to say there will be a lot of Hearse traffic around the holiday season when people start calling their loved ones for that once a year hello.

But to continue, we hang out at the place watching TV and so on and then once everyone has rolled in we roll out to the bars. Now the bars at Tech used to be havens of crazy jolliness, like places you would imagine Santa might hang out during his college years. Oh yes, THAT kind of place. But now, all the bars were crowded as crap (understandable being Homecoming) but what was weird was they all had a Cover. BOO ..... THAT..... CRAP. I don't roll with covers and neither did the crew I was with, so when the first bar said moderate line to get in and 2$ cover we said, hell no suckas, and rolled to the next one. Thus it was a little strange that with this mindset we ended up at the bar with the longest line and the biggest cover. I just don't know. So we stand in line forever for this bar, just to get a single drink we call the Rail, but I am getting ahead of myself, first let me complain about the new generation at Tech. They suck. There that about sums it up. We have evolved, or as I like to call it stupivolved from classy chums who like to have house parties and a good game of tackle football to a group of ninny sissy weeny chumps with not one, neh not two, but for some F-all retarded reason 3 popped collars in one, who looks like they are sporting an automobile spoiler on their neck for one of the more jazzed up rice burners. So as I say, everyone there is no longer original and fun, they are all 1) Bleached Blond yuppies 2) Skinny in a creepy way not in a fun I get healthy meals and exercise way 3) They are all drunk but not fun drunk but that retarded let me tell you how great I am drunk than used to earn you wedgie in the good ol grade school days of yore, and 4) They'ze all dumb as shit. I thought our enrollment stats went up, but seeing these people depress me cause I think they honestly, boys and girls, stand in front of a mirror for an hour before going out, getting their hair just right, then as they exit their door they swill their Zima or Appletini or whatever the newday equivalent of weeny drinks it may be, before setting out the door to tell their chums how they are going to play tiddler wanks with all the ladies tonight who have no skill at choosing someone who can make it to the gym more than once a decade.
Such intense hostility, where does it come from guy? It comes from people being in my way because you are too busy being drunk at each other to let the line move.
On a lighter note I am glad to see that the Tech bouncers are still in top form as they tackled one of the yuppies and sat on him till the cops came. Bravo bouncers, you may be of all sizes and stature, but when it comes to sitting on people who are full of themselves there are none better.

All in all it was a good weekend, not as drinky as I would have expected from Tech though for all my memories of it there. And oddly more expensive too. So what did I learn from my weekend at Tech? More expensive, more crowded, less old school, more pretty boy, and less drinky than it used to be. It made me feel old, like yelling at people for being on my lawn cause everyone there was so vastly, and when I say vastly I am talking Grand Canyon meets the Hulk vastly, immature. Yea, that vast. At least when we were immature there we were responsible enough to let the bouncers sit on us without complaining.

I do have to say the highlight of that weekend was when Shark, plastered beyond plastered, and back at the abode with us, decided he wanted something to eat. So 10 pot banging minutes later we turn to see him sitting on a stool in the corner eating pasta. Now I should describe what we ACTUALLY saw. We saw him eating pasta with a spoon, and the pasta was sticking straight out. That's right kids, he forgot to cook it. Upon inspection of the kitchen after he fell asleep from his crunchy delight yielded that not had he tried and given up on a waffle in the toaster and that the pasta uncooked, he had managed to find a ye old' bottle of pasta sauce from the back of the fridge to flavor it. Ye old. Think about that. Lets try it like this Ye Mold. Yep, and ew. Poor guy, quite the V-Tech trooper.

Good weekend all round though, much rejoicing with old friends.

But now, the William and Mary comparison. Now I have visited there before and knew it to be a small place. 2 bars of any note that I could see, and frankly not a lot of nightlife that I saw when I was last there, but I was willing to give it a shot.
I think the best way to describe my time there was on reflection. We arrived, got dressed up and began our progressive. That's right, we tried to do a progressive in the hotel (A progressive is where you go room to room and do a different drink in each = McWastey Land) which fell through when we all just kept drinking in the first room. And went out. But lo and behold there were so many alumni that getting into one of the two bars (the good one with actual beer) was nigh impossible. So we went to bar number 2. I should mention at this point that we got the hotel within walking distance, neh, stumbling distance, neh, pulling yourself along on a big wheels distance from the bar. So we went to bar 2 and began to drink. Now, I can't really recall what happened next but I woke up the next morning and began to piece the parts together. We drank at bar 2, which was basically a pizza parlor. I recall buying me and my friends a pitcher, and it was cheap. And well we all know what happened next then. We all bought a pitcher so we could all revel in how cheap it was, and some of us had to try it twice. Well we then began the stumble around the neighborhoods and ended up at ye-old Wawa. Now this is where I really have to take my hat off to William and Mary. We ended up, drunk, at a Wawa. If that doesn't say college experience then I don't know what does. So we got more inebriated, and back to the hotel, where more inebriated, and then, and this has to be my favorite part of the night. Back to the Wawa again.
That is about all I could piece together from people's stories the next day. And what a next day it was. I recall sitting in a chair out in the rain for most of it, cause I just wanted to sit my hung over self there. But good times all around. Very much so.

So, in comparison, William and Mary, much to my surprise, as the unfavored participant came back to fulfill my hopes and dreams of a homecoming experience. So bravo William and Mary for keeping the good times rolling and not having a whole bunch of weenies at your school, or at least for hiding them while I was there. And Tech, you need to get back to old time spirit of drinking a whole lot and rolling in the mud.

But all in all, great weekends the both of them, and I look forward to my out of college sobriety. *Sob*

PS. Drink responsibly or not at all, and I find joy in the fact that spellcheck had absolutely Zero suggestions when I spellchecked Stupivolved.

PPS. After thinking about it I remembered my truly favorite part about William and Mary homecoming. While inebriated I drew a Frenchman Face on my hand at the bar. I gave him drinks, put him in many photos and introduced him to my friends. I was able to walk around with a Frenchman face drawn on my hand acting as his translator the ENTIRE NIGHT and no one was surprised. Bravo William and Mary, bravo.