Dreams and the sweet kickassness they teach us.

I love to dream. There are few things I love more than being woken up by an annoying alarm clock at 5 in the morning and then snoozing it cause that puts me right into that little place between awake and really freaking asleep. Also known, as the dream zone. And I love the dream zone cause, and I don't know if this is the same for everyone, but my dreams kick F-ing ass!

I do wonder if other people have interesting dreams or they simply dream about something like fishing, or walking, or reading a book (but not really cause the letters get all funny in dreams *except for this one time..... this one time.... oh I'll tell you in a bit.... about this one time....*) But I do wonder if other peoples dreams are awesome or lame. Let me describe a few of mine.
And as with mine, god knows why, the stakes are always EVERYTHING, that or extremely lame.

The other night I dreamt that the Earth was falling INTO THE SUN. And me and a crackpot team of scientists had to devise and use a machine to reverse the gravity at the last moment, and we would use this pinball effect to bounce between suns to get us to a new home. (I feel a little retarded cause I had to go look up the name for pinball. It's one of those mornings.)
But like I said, an all stakes dream with crazy special effects reminiscent of the Fifth Element though I did not have any guest appearances from Bruce Willis.
I've also dreamed about zombies. I've dreamed about Zombies ALOT. I don't know why. I've fought them and won, fought and lost, fought and ended up drinking tea with them, I've had ALOT of zombie dreams. I blame society. Or my wife who watches waaaay to many scary movies. I don't know if I should read into my dreams cause I don't know what the crap they would be about or be interpreted to be.
I dreamt I had a black car in one dream and that there was a policy that if you had a black car you had one month to join this group of vampires, so what do I do to avoid this outcome, I repaint my car.... black. Thus buying myself another month at which point I paint my car again.... black. And by about paint job four I decide I'm bored of this and go hunting vampires from my drivers seat. Yes, not the brightest bulb on the tree am I when the lights go out.
I think the best dream someone else ever told me about was my friend Ryan. He had two great ones that are memorable, why? cause they take my high low standard of dreams to the epitome of dreamdom.
Dream 1 - Lamest dream ever) Ryan dreamt he woke up, got out of bed, and began to read a book. That was the WHOLE DREAM. Bravo buddy, bravo.
Dream 2 - Most high stakes dream ever) Ryan dreamt he got in a fistfight with God, yes GOD. Granted he lost, which he admitted should have been the outcome but he said he got a few good blows in on the giant white bearded Creator of all. Bravo again buddy, I have never had a dream with stakes THAT high.

I have dreamt my car was hit by a meteor (and let me tell you that is one of those dreams where you are PISSED until you wake up). I have fought Ninja Monkeys, yes I shit you not, NINJA MONKEYS. Dreaming is a hoot!

A lot of people have recurring dreams which I find very weird. I wish I had recurring dreams, it would be like Groundhog day in your head! You could go through once, find out where the giant spider is and the pitfall on the huge chessboard and then next time through do things a little different. Hell, by time five you'll have gotten the shotgun above the fireplace and the chainsaw hidden behind the portrait in the main hallway and rock the hell of that spider before he knows what happened. I would LOVE to have a recurring dream. But all in all dreams are still fun. You can do ANYTHING in dreams. But they are often crappy to. Like you dream that you did something bad, or that someone cheated on you, then you wake up and your are like "Whoo! Thank goodness I didn't actually eat my sister's new puppy." But they go the other way to, where you believe that all your problems are gone then you wake up and are like "SHIT! I've still got the Clap." That would be an unpleasant awakening.

Or sleepwalkers. I had an ex who was the biggest bitch when she slept walked. Though in all honesty I would have to say she went into a coma or something cause she quickly held that title 24/7. I have slept walked before, though usually after a night on the town (Sorry about your laundry Reid). Or waking a sleepwalker. My lady found that out the hard way when she tried to grab me while I was "Disarming a Bank Robber" in my dream. Yea.... that didn't end too well.

But all in all I love to dream and wish I could more often though you often get that feeling of having lost the meaning of life when you wake up and are like CRAP!

Scariest dream though ever. This dream had WAY TO MUCH DETAIL. I dreamt I was in some foreign country, Tibet I think, on a missionary trip. Lord knows how I had this much backstory but there you have it. And was walking home in the dark on a gravel road. Super dark, no moon or stars, so I was keeping on the road by sound. And I saw-ish something come at me and rolled and kicked. I called out to whatever it was to turn on their light and they responded in some dialect that I couldn't understand. But I could read it. You got it boys and girls, I had a subtitled dream. Freaking Subtitles. But the super creepy part was that I could read it, and you shouldn't be able to in dreams "apparently". Stuff in dreams has always come out retarded like "The Pirate wishy wash banana plantation green." And in the dream I always nod and say "Ahhh, yes I get it now" but when I wake up I'm like Get What? What the F!? But this dream I COULD read it. And it was saying, and this figure was scrabbling towards me "For the Flesh" Creeeeeepy. And when it got to me and touched me on the ribs I woke up. Didn't pee myself, kinda wish I had, evil zombie critters can't abide human pee, remember that. Human urine, NO ONE likes it. Except perverts, but for them the usual baseball bat will do. So arm yourselves immediately in a bad dream with a baseball bat and a gallon of people urine and you are good to go.

I wonder vaguely if people who have repetitive nightmares can influence them. Like if they have it every night, could they play Mario Bros for an hour before bed and then be able to rock out the Italian stache and jump on the Werewolf chasing them in their dreams? Could you dress up like a pirate for your pajamas and be able stab the people kidnapping you in your dream before legging it away with all the treasure? I do wonder.
The best part is when you realize it is a dream. Few things have been more fun than realizing I can breath under water and start to beat up the giant fish coming after me. Always remember, dream shark or no, they don't like being punched in the nose.
So my advice to dreamers is this, if only for my own amusement, dress in a kick ass super hero outfit and remember to aim for the groin. It is a fail safe plan of awesome.

But, and now I have to say the real reason for this blog. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to run into an ex? And where it might happen or where would be best for it to happen? Under what circumstances would it be to your benefit to run into someone you utterly hate?
Well last night I dreamt I ran into my ex. And it was GLORIOUS! Why? Because I ran into at a paintball range.
THINK ABOUT IT!! Benefits:
A) You are wearing a MASK. They will never know it is you!
B) You get to shoot them 1) As many times as you want, and 2) With NO repercussions!
C) If they brought the new guy, You can shoot him too!
D) You can shoot them EVEN IF YOU END UP ON THE SAME TEAM!!

I think if I ever actually ran into an ex I really disliked I need to do it at a paintball range. It would be a win win situation and they would never even know I was there. Thank you dream world for that insight. It was sweet.

Out!