What Motivates Us? And some fun Patents.

What motivates us from day to day? I find myself wondering this as I sit here, as must be all together obvious. But the answer to this elludes me. So we shall deduce from ground zero shall we. I find little motivation these days, and this causes me to wonder what motivates me. What is lacking in my life now that was there before? Perhaps nothing. Perhaps I am now acting unknowingly on my motivations, completing tasks I would otherwise have put onto some proverbial To Do list on the referigerator of my mind held there with the magnet of my intentions.
Holy crap too many metaphors. But still, I must continue, I must press on. What motivates us day to day?
I am motivated by money. This is sad but true, and I think everyone is motivated by money. It is the ideal of the American society. I would rather work for bank, than work the job of my dreams and earn nothing. Well SURE people would SAY they would rather work the job of thier dreams, but when the stress of picking the cheapest thing off the menue because you have student loans to pay back comes home to roost, then, well, money seems the better option by far. And besides. Happiness can't buy you a Boat. Unless you are a really sucessfull prostitute, then SOMEONE's happiness is buying you a boat at least.
So back to topic. I find myself feeling a little more up and about when I write, hence this writing. But seeing as I am not attached at the hip to my glorious computer, but instead are more attached at the face to my work computer, what else can I do to motivate?
Eat. ALOT. Well that is true, but probably not the best solution. I cook. A little retardedly obsesivly. I find myself throwing a small tantrum in the privacy of my mind if my omlet doesn't look as picturesque as I would like. Odd outlets for perfection driven by a need for motivation. I'm a little tempted to make cookies with smily faces on them.
Sports. I love to do some sports, and feel nicely motivated while I'm doing them. Then a little old and slow when I realize how bad I am at them. I used to be able to touch the rim on the basketball hoop, but now I jump like the whitest boy in school. So sad. I feel like if I ever got mugged there would be no chance in hell I could run away from the mugger cause I would start to wheeze and fall over from a heart attack about ten feet out.
So where was I? Yes. Motivation. I feel motivated when I am doing things I enjoy, and moving towards goals I set for myself, and most importantly, suceeding. I can feel motivation at work, but only when I am getting something done. When I have a solution in front of me. When I am not suceeding, when I am staring at a patent and thinking to myself, "What the F? Why would someone invent this?? This invention is so retarded of COURSE no one will have made one before now. Damn!"
And so I sit here watching the movie Twilight, reputed to be the Harry Potter of Vampire movies, and let me tell you I am SO looking forward to seeing how the Trainwreck of a concept will play out. And I feel... motivated. I feel motivated cause I am about to be amused by my own brain. I will watch this movie and that small part of my mind that isn't going to be beaten into submission by the sheer ridiculousness of this movie will be standing back and knocking out a little Mystery Science Theater 2000 on this biatch.
And there it is.
I think that is my motivation. Being able to have that part of my brain that knocks out the great and awesome whiticism that each and every moment of my life deserves because half the stuff in my life is just silly. I mean really. I own a 30 year old turtle who is kick ass to watch. There is no end of the crazy things to muse about in the back of my head. And to prove it. See how I amuse myself at work:

Karate Cap:

Description: A Karate Weapon that is virtually Undetectable….

http://www.google.com/patents?id=b0eCAAAAEBAJ&dq=karate+cap

Diarrhea Mitten:

I think it is the stick that makes it Novel:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=zKsMAAAAEBAJ&dq=6516469

Bobble Head Figure:

Oh, I get it. She’s a Democrat.

http://www.google.com/patents?id=aDipAAAAEBAJ&dq=d567141

Jesus Doll for teaching children:

I think I’ve found the root of my religious ignorance.

http://www.google.com/patents?id=6AoYAAAAEBAJ&dq=6007404

Video Game Device:

I’m not entirely sure what he is up to….

http://www.google.com/patents?id=6RQRAAAAEBAJ&dq=2001/0008846

The Process of Love:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=tSeGAAAAEBAJ&dq=2003/0152907

Method of Exersising a Cat:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=OfwkAAAAEBAJ&dq=5443036

Interpersonal Pursuit Method

http://www.google.com/patents?id=DMGnAAAAEBAJ&dq=11/502049

Forehead Urinal Headrest

http://www.google.com/patents?id=22cQAAAAEBAJ&dq=6681419

Pet Display Clothing

http://www.google.com/patents?id=Kp4WAAAAEBAJ&dq=5901666

Musical Instrument adapted to emit a CONTROLLED FLAME

http://www.google.com/patents?id=qKw0AAAAEBAJ&dq=4247283

Method and Instrument for Proposing Marriage:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=9z2XAAAAEBAJ&dq=2007/0078663

Beerbrella:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=w-IMAAAAEBAJ&dq=6637447

Method of Swinging on a Swing:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=T2QKAAAAEBAJ&dq=method+swinging+swing+side+to+side

Best Drawing Ever:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=w-KXAAAAEBAJ&dq=2006/0027482

Dog Foot Through a Straw:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=oqgpAAAAEBAJ&printsec=abstract&zoom=4&dq=4976367&source=gbs_summary_r&cad=0_0

Alien Spaceship:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=6687AAAAEBAJ&dq=4023751

Incinerating Commode:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=B6EQAAAAEBAJ&dq=3885254

10 most ridiculous ever:

http://www.cracked.com/article_15693_10-most-ridiculous-inventions-ever-patented.html

Bike on Rail road Tracks:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=9_gtAAAAEBAJ&dq=4230046

Pen with Condom:

http://www.google.com/patents?id=vtAZAAAAEBAJ&printsec=abstract&zoom=4&dq=candy+container+and+protrusion&source=gbs_summary_r&cad=0_0#PPA1,M1

Now hold on a moment, I shall watch Twilight,
...
.....
...

Well, now it is a day later, and I have to say one thing. According to Twilight, Vampires are made.... of Glitter. Yes, Vampires are made, Of Mother-F-in-Glitter.

http://media.photobucket.com/image/twilight%20movie%20sparkle/orangeokapi13/216675550_2025288.gif

And I feel frightened to badmouth the movie further, drawing attention to the silly simpering acting, and the writing which is not only predictable but, yet again, just silly, and how the movie loves to put little emo characters and pretty boy teenagers into a "Vampire" movie, and yes it deserves the quotes much like I would put quotes around Jean Simmons being a "Man among Men". But as I said, frightened to badmouth it cause apparently teeny boppers beat the shit out of people, kill themselves, and throw acid at each other cause they are so obsessed with this beast. Yes, they throw mother F-in ACID at people, for badmouthing Twilight!
http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/twilightattacksnews
or
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Twilight

Screw This, I'm OUT!