But I digress, there are many many shows out there that I loved as a kid, and it tears me up when Hollywood thinks they can make money by creating a slap-shit film based off of one of my childhood idols. And in this case, I refer to GI-Joe. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, they broke open the warehouse storing the costumes from X-Men 1 and Batman vs the Abominable Snowman and brought out those shitty rubber suits that they must have freaking had on clearance somewhere, and decided to make a GI-Joe movie.
It makes me want to stab myself....with a gun. Bayonet Style.
And I shall sum up my feeling as thus.
Here is the Trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp83NFtWnRQ
Now that you have watched it, here is a clip from "Flight of the Concords":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvrva8NoMLM
That's right. Their costumes are IDENTICAL!
You know that Cobra Commander? The bad ass guy?
In the movie he is that little shit from 3rd rock from the sun (the son)
And his outfit, because the whole KKK look was not Kosher enough...
they went all Skeletor on his ass. Skeletor plus apparently the blob.
Skeletor meets predator actually. Makes me want to "punch self in crotch"
Skeletor meets predator actually. Makes me want to "punch self in crotch"
GI-Joe is the most badass show, I sat down for an episode a year ago and in ONE episode, Cobra Command took OVER AMERICA, and then, in the second half of that HALF HOUR SHOW, Gi-Joe TOOK IT BACK
No show has that much action any more. F-in ridiculous. What is the plot of this movie going to be about, how Cobra Command takes over a f-ing candy factory?
I hate Hollywood they can sit on a dick.
But enough of my rank, I promised drinking games and drinking games you shall have. (Doesn't really make me sound like the best reference for movie critique, but what can you do)
First off one of my personal favorites. Now I've blogged about this one before but I played it again and it still holds strong. Wizards Staff. A game where each time you drink a beer, you tape the empty can to your new beer. Biggest Staff Wins. But I still want to create better rules. Ive seen where people can cast spells, and where they team up to fight a dragon or something every 5 or so beers. The potential is limitless, but I will harness it and create the rules of Awesome.
Second Game: One I created and I do not recommend AT ALL. Memory. Yea, kind of says it all. Sort of like a spiraling out of control drinking game. If you dare risk it, enjoy it.
Thirdly: A few Friend of mine were over the other night and we created, well it doesn't have a name, so I'll call it the singing game. Basically you say a letter in the Alphabet and assign it to someone. They must sing a song starting with that letter in the lyrics, or that start with the Sound (ie. X could be Excellent, or Q could be Cute) and if you can't you drink, and if you can, they drink. Someone always drinks and eventually everyone is drunk and singing like some out of control German Alehouse. Good times ensue.
Fourthly: Now this one I came up with cause my bro was out at the bars by himself, and was bored. Now I have not perfected this one yet, but I believe it will be the best drinking game of all time once I have. Basically the way it would work is you and some Friend go out to a bar. Now each of you prior to then have chosen an "Puppet master" basically a Friend or family member somewhere not there. Then throughout the night, when you encounter things you have to make a decision about you must txt your puppet master, and they make the decision for you. Ordering a beer? I don't think so, Pina Colada please and don't forget that umbrella! Think she's cute? Too bad you're talking to her ugly friend! Have to go to the bathroom? Hold it! And stop asking cause the answer isn't going to change! And so on and merriment ensues like the make your own adventure books never foresaw.
Fifthly: A game that works a little better with text messaging cause you only text 2 words. That's right kids. Red light, Green light. Now I'll explain how this worked when I did it and you can have fun too. I was out with some Friends and my bro when I conceived this idea, and my bro (kudos to him for being awesome and sticking this one out) and basically the game ran like this. I would text my bro red light. And when he got that text, he would have to stop. Until he got Green light. Now this amused me for awhile cause he was a trooper and would stop mid conversation with a girl to stare straight ahead until he could move again. The real fun began when I got a bit tipsy and started giving out his phone number to random people and telling them about the game. So I would be wandering through the bar and spot him dead still in the middle of a dance floor or just stuck in a corner somewhere until someone graciously would send him green light. Bravo Josie. I salute your dedication. So I recommend this game to the troopers out there. Needs some honing but is good times.
Sixthly: This isn't a new game, but still a goodie. Chug a beer. Put a broom on your head and spin 15 times. Throw broom. Jump over broom. Few things in my life have EVER been that funny. Seeing someone throw a broom then turn, look the other way and jump on their face warms my heart like Christmas.
Lastly: I was at a bachelor party last weekend and played a game called Puke. You basically just drink alot. So I shall skip that one and talk about "Thunderstruck by AC/DC" The way you do this is when they say "Thunder" you drink. You don't stop, however, until they say Thunder again, and depending on the version you play, this could be awhile. This is the ultimate way to get pumped up for a night out, and to blow through a case QUICKLY. Enjoy!
But enough of my rank, I promised drinking games and drinking games you shall have. (Doesn't really make me sound like the best reference for movie critique, but what can you do)
First off one of my personal favorites. Now I've blogged about this one before but I played it again and it still holds strong. Wizards Staff. A game where each time you drink a beer, you tape the empty can to your new beer. Biggest Staff Wins. But I still want to create better rules. Ive seen where people can cast spells, and where they team up to fight a dragon or something every 5 or so beers. The potential is limitless, but I will harness it and create the rules of Awesome.
Second Game: One I created and I do not recommend AT ALL. Memory. Yea, kind of says it all. Sort of like a spiraling out of control drinking game. If you dare risk it, enjoy it.
Thirdly: A few Friend of mine were over the other night and we created, well it doesn't have a name, so I'll call it the singing game. Basically you say a letter in the Alphabet and assign it to someone. They must sing a song starting with that letter in the lyrics, or that start with the Sound (ie. X could be Excellent, or Q could be Cute) and if you can't you drink, and if you can, they drink. Someone always drinks and eventually everyone is drunk and singing like some out of control German Alehouse. Good times ensue.
Fourthly: Now this one I came up with cause my bro was out at the bars by himself, and was bored. Now I have not perfected this one yet, but I believe it will be the best drinking game of all time once I have. Basically the way it would work is you and some Friend go out to a bar. Now each of you prior to then have chosen an "Puppet master" basically a Friend or family member somewhere not there. Then throughout the night, when you encounter things you have to make a decision about you must txt your puppet master, and they make the decision for you. Ordering a beer? I don't think so, Pina Colada please and don't forget that umbrella! Think she's cute? Too bad you're talking to her ugly friend! Have to go to the bathroom? Hold it! And stop asking cause the answer isn't going to change! And so on and merriment ensues like the make your own adventure books never foresaw.
Fifthly: A game that works a little better with text messaging cause you only text 2 words. That's right kids. Red light, Green light. Now I'll explain how this worked when I did it and you can have fun too. I was out with some Friends and my bro when I conceived this idea, and my bro (kudos to him for being awesome and sticking this one out) and basically the game ran like this. I would text my bro red light. And when he got that text, he would have to stop. Until he got Green light. Now this amused me for awhile cause he was a trooper and would stop mid conversation with a girl to stare straight ahead until he could move again. The real fun began when I got a bit tipsy and started giving out his phone number to random people and telling them about the game. So I would be wandering through the bar and spot him dead still in the middle of a dance floor or just stuck in a corner somewhere until someone graciously would send him green light. Bravo Josie. I salute your dedication. So I recommend this game to the troopers out there. Needs some honing but is good times.
Sixthly: This isn't a new game, but still a goodie. Chug a beer. Put a broom on your head and spin 15 times. Throw broom. Jump over broom. Few things in my life have EVER been that funny. Seeing someone throw a broom then turn, look the other way and jump on their face warms my heart like Christmas.
Lastly: I was at a bachelor party last weekend and played a game called Puke. You basically just drink alot. So I shall skip that one and talk about "Thunderstruck by AC/DC" The way you do this is when they say "Thunder" you drink. You don't stop, however, until they say Thunder again, and depending on the version you play, this could be awhile. This is the ultimate way to get pumped up for a night out, and to blow through a case QUICKLY. Enjoy!
And I shall leave you with the highlight of my day. My realization that my feet are too Damned BIG. I took a kickboxing class today for fun, and needless to say there is a big mirror you do stuff in front of. It was like watching a Freaking clown kick box. My tiny little legs offset by giant feet made it look like I was a marionette. Everyone all slick and tight in their movements and my legs are flopping around all over the place and i swear I was floating for a little while, as my legs were just flopping around. Just slap a red nose on me I'm done.
OUT!
2 comments:
would like to point out you inadvertently forgot some rules of "the singing game." namely, the challenge and the steal.
furthermore, i have alerted jolly to this blog and am pushing for "red light, green light" to be played at becca and nick's wedding.
DId you know that you have the exact body type of Michael Phelps the Olympic swimmer and winner of multiple gold medals? Yep, big feet, short legs, long torso. I heard him say it on Conan. Evidently that body type is supposed to be really good for swimming. Just thought you'd want to know!
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